My Secret To Doing It All: Spoiler Alert, I Don’t!

Secrets from a full-time working mum:

As a mum of a toddler, who works fulltime, runs a small business on the side and is 7 months pregnant people often stop and ask me how I do it all. What I have realised during these chats is that not everyone is in the position to have the same answer as me and that is quite simply, I don’t.

With a husband who does most of the daycare runs, cooks, washes up and manages the groceries. I don’t even know what is in the fridge half the time. He organises the swimming lessons, gets up early to spend time with our son and get him breakfast. I usually do the washing, the banking and the general tidying of the house. Together we share the workload and priorities, supporting each other when life gets in the way. 

We also give each other the space to follow our passions including study and business. As a business owner my passion is to help other women find their confidence and value. By focusing on our uniqueness, we can learn to value who we are and the differences in all of those that are part of our lives. When other women look at the things I am doing and ask how, what they are really saying is that they couldn’t and that’s ok. It isn’t about comparing yourself to every other mother at the pick-up spot or in the office, it’s about understanding who you are as an individual and why that matters.

When we compare ourselves to others, it triggers the fear of judgement and the long list of things in our head that we haven’t achieved with our lives. It makes it harder to focus on the things we have accomplished and triples when it is related to motherhood as the mum guilt can be raw and nasty.  

It was my passion and ability to still talk to people on this topic that kept me going through my maternity leave and helped me return to work. On the first day back after 13 months it took me 5 minutes just to build up the energy to walk through the front door. What I soon realised after starting work again was that my focus had changed. Instead of the previous frenzied energy I used to use to get things done, my only intention was to try and impress myself by the end of each day. If I wasn’t impressed it was a great opportunity to reflect on what I could have done better and how I could approach things differently the next time. It was no longer about the output or the progress. It was knowing that I did a good job and if others disagreed that was on them. By being away from the workforce for so long I was no longer comparing myself to my colleagues, or those above me trying to do better. I was now trying to do better for myself and learning from my mistakes along the way.

From one mum to another, all I can add is that this is your journey and no one else’s. Live it. Love it. Be it.

• Jenn Cowley - Full time working mum who doesn’t always get it right

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